who should look after her?

She's close to 8 months now. This time I felt time just swoosh by in a flash. It was not so long ago when I bursted into tears each morning I was left alone in the house with her (the first struggling months). My maternity leave is now almost over and I'm starting to get frenzied in my search of an acceptable childcare. A recent news on childcare about tying babies up or about sexual abuses in these centres scares me more. What is acceptable for me? Sadly, my answer, as the mother, is none except to look after her myself until she's in pre-school age.

Each time I rock her to sleep or feed her or change her, I'd ask myself ~ would the daycare staff take time to rock her? She's not exactly light to carry. Would they hold her while she sleeps? I doubt it. Would they try to feed her outside meal times when she didn't have hers during the set time? How about when she reaches her milestones, I won't be there when she utters a new word or do a new thing :(

I had thought of my counterparts back in Manila. They would have nannies when they return to work. I think they would also have the same concerns ... missing their baby's milestones and concerns of how would they know the nannies are caring their wards 'the right way'.

This must be a stage every returning to work mother goes thru. Some say it's easier to part when the baby is younger, around 3-4 months, because they're too young to play and make interactions yet thus the mother would feel she's not missing much. As for entrusting someone else with our child, it won't be easy.

Well I'm still putting this into prayer. I know God will look after her needs and mine. If He directs us to take this road, He'll provide us the graces we needed.

Baby Updates
She has discovered the joys of playing with water. Made lots of big splashes during bathtime, not getting bothered by the fact her face is at the receiving end of those splashes. Now our bathroom floor is so wet (that's more work for me! But that's okay. For now. Ask me again 5 years later if it's still okay, haha!).